“When you can tell your story and it doesn’t make you cry, you know you are healed.” ~ Anonymous
The greatest LIE ever told.
Franklin was a kid when his finger was injured. He did not think it a big deal, so he ignored the pain and kept using it as if nothing ever happened. Not long after, the injury appeared to have healed. The pain was gone, and he could still use his hand as before, or so he thought. As time went on, Franklin noticed that the injury caused a semi-permanent bend in his finger which resulted in limited use of his hand. Even though he did not have a full range of motion, he kept moving and functioning as if he did. After all, the pain was gone. As Franklin grew into adulthood the lack of mobility began to bother him more because it restricted him from living a full life. He did not know what to do but he did know that it was time to do something. He finally decided to go to the doctor to have his hand examined. The doctor told him that since his finger had healed improperly, and surgery would be inevitable if he wanted to have full usage of his hand. The doctor explained that he would have to re-break the finger and reset it and informed him that he would experience the pain once again. He would have to go through months in a cast and physical therapy to gain full recovery. He assured him that it would be healed properly if he were committed to following the advice given. Franklin agreed and the process began.
What do trauma and a finger have to do with any of this family healing? Let me explain. The medical terminology for the physical issue is Malunion: After a bone is broken (fractured), the body will start the healing process. If the two ends of the broken bone are not lined up properly, the bone can heal with a deformity called a malunion. (Reference: https://www.uofmhealth.org/ Malunion Fractures – University of Michigan)
Here is what Franklin’s experience represents:
1. The Hand – You or your family members
2. The Injury - Your hurt, the place of brokenness, betrayal, abandonment, or rejection
3. The Bend - How you or the family learned or decided to function through the unaddressed hurt and secrets.
4. The Re-break – The decision that you or the family makes to address the dysfunction, by counseling, owning the hurt, and speaking your truth no matter how painful it is.
5. The Cast - You or your family start the healing process and self-care.
Franklin’s trauma was caused by physical pain, but it can relate to trauma caused by emotional pain. These experiences happen either in childhood or adulthood. Oftentimes, the injuries go unchecked and unaddressed because people learn to live with things, they feel they cannot fix. When these injuries are not properly attended to, people become numb to the pain, in turn, this causes the illusion of being healed. When you equate not feeling the pain to being free from it you are basically lying to yourself. When you learn to perform with an injury, you cannot honestly live a fulfilled life. Even if you no longer feel it does not mean you do not have to deal with it.
Call to action: Get a journal and start writing down the things that happened before you stopped being able to "feel." (Men this includes you too.)