"What goes on in this house, stays in this house.” For many families growing up, the statement was an unofficial mantra, especially if you came from a black home. For some, it was a declaration of privacy and protection; to ensure that outsiders stayed out of "family business." In these families, keeping quiet about the dealings of the household was more about keeping the nosey people and keeping negativity out. However, for other families,
it was a statement of imprisonment. There is a vast difference between secrecy and privacy. In a home filled with physical, sexual, or emotional abuse, keeping silent was more about protecting the abuser as opposed to protecting the family business.
History has forced many black families into a generational pattern of secrecy. It has fooled people into thinking they were to protect the family's reputation at all costs. Even if it meant covering and hiding the dysfunction that dwelled inside. Meanwhile, the victims are thrust into the world wearing the stigma of “the ones with issues." They are the symptom of a greater problem that could not be exposed.
Silence and secrecy should be ranked up there as one of the top killers among black people. Silence and secrecy have killed futures, dreams, health, potential, reputations, peace, trust, self-confidence, and PEOPLE. It's been passed down from our ancestors creating a dysfunctional pattern of trauma. Some are aware that the truth must be told, yet they struggle with being the "whistleblower". Most times it's because the one that needs to be exposed is the favorite uncle or auntie, the cool cousin, the successful brother or sister, or the beloved grandmother or grandfather. It all depends on how liked they are which determines the ease of exposure. If the perpetrator is well-liked, more than likely nobody will believe what's told. I've witnessed this more times than I would like to say. It's difficult when you know a truth others choose to ignore. I'm not in agreement with the stance that 'they are family" so you overlook the sickness within them. Not! If they don't think about family before they act, it is not your job to cover them. Yet, many fall into that mode of secrecy.
Each generation has begun communicating more with the elders and that in itself breaks cycles. Sometimes it happens by by accident. In my experience, you have to catch these jokers slipping. They hold onto the information like the children of Israel did Arch of the Covenant. A wound has to be uncovered to heal completely. If keeping their secrets is hurting you then it's too heavy to carry. More of these conversations need to be had for healing to continue.